How I handed over school holiday planning - and you can too

Four times a year, school holidays roll around and the scramble begins.

Weeks of empty days. Two kids who need to be somewhere. Two parents who still have jobs.

And for five years, I have been the one who figures it out.

Not because my husband isn't capable. Not because he doesn't want to help. But because the whole thing lived entirely in my head.

The knowing which holiday programmes Belle will actually attend (only if Sarah or Aroha are going, and only if she likes the theme that day). The knowing that Maxwell will do Eastern Tigers but draw the line at Newtown Rec sports days unless Hugh or Ohma is there. The knowing that my parents need six weeks notice because they travel, and that flights for Nana need to cost under $300 and land before Auckland traffic gets ugly.

That knowledge? It was mine. And mine alone. Which meant the job was mine. Which meant the mental load was mine.

Sound familiar?

Here's what changed. We now have PAM — a personal assistant for our family that holds all of this. She tracks the school terms, stores the programme details, knows the drop-off times, and keeps everyone's schedule in one place. She's our family's second brain.

And that means I can finally hand this off.

So I did.

I wrote my husband a handover. Every consideration, every contact, every logistical tripwire I've been navigating alone for five years. I put it all down. And I'm sharing it here as a template — because if your family is anything like mine, you've got one person holding all of this too. And they deserve to put it down.

The school holiday planning handover letter

Hey Husband,

For the past five years I've planned and managed our school holidays. Now that we have PAM, I'm handing the torch to you. I'm thinking we alternate years. Here's everything I consider when I plan.

TERM DATES

PAM has these. She pulls them directly from the kids' school. Just ask her.

WORK AND LEAVE

How busy are we both likely to be that term? Is there a window where we could take a family mini-break and actually use up some of the holidays? To figure that out: check what leave we'll have banked, whether either of us has a big project we can't step away from, and whether we have any other trips that term that would already have us out of the office for a chunk of time.

WORKING FROM HOME

Could we each take one day a week working from home during the holidays? Be honest about how much you'd actually get done. What would your boss think? What would my team think? Could we bring the kids into the office for a day — and if so, how disruptive would that realistically be?

GRANDPARENTS

Could my parents or your mum take the kids for a block?

Two nights, three days is the most I like to ask of them. The kids are also starting to get a bit sniffy about being away from their friends for too long, so we'd struggle to get them to go longer — I know you are going to say they can just do what we tell them too, but having them happy with the plan makes everything so much easier.

Both sets of grandparents need to be booked about six weeks ahead. My parents travel and have busy diaries. Your mum needs flights.

For your mum's flights: aim for under $300 return, avoid Auckland traffic times, check around her work schedule. She should arrive in the morning and leave late afternoon so we get the full three days. You need to coordinate this with her directly — run a couple of flight options past her before booking.

For my parents: one of them usually does one trip and we cover the other. Plan the travel logistics for both legs.

Brief both sets of grandparents on devices, channels, and screen time rules before the kids arrive. No Roblox. They will forget. Remind them.

For your mum's stays, we like to book the apartment so she has her own space, and we give her my car. Make sure the car has petrol. Give her an apartment key. The kids love staying with her there and we connect for dinner each night — either at the apartment or ours. Note: the apartment is currently being used by Ben and Hana with the new baby, so it's not available until they move out.

Also consider: how much have we already asked of the grandparents lately? And what might we need from them in the next few months? Don't drain the well.

HOLIDAY PROGRAMMES AND CAMPS

Kids are okay with about three days a week at programmes — but just barely.

Belle will do Kidsclub if Sarah or Aroha are going, and only if she likes the theme for that day. Check the Kidsclub website for daily themes. Coordinate with her friends' parents on which days we're all sending kids together.

Maxwell will do three days of Eastern Tigers camp as long as Hugh or Ohma is going. He'll also do the Wellington Football programme, again only if Hugh or Ohma is there. Wellington Football is expensive — keep it to two days maximum. If we're lucky the two programmes fall in different weeks.

The Newtown rec basketball programme runs for three days and books out fast. I think Maxwell would be up for it if Hugh or Ohma went — worth coordinating with their parents early. He's not keen on the Newtown rec sports days generally, but they're a backup option if we're stuck. Must have a mate there.

The goal is always to get both kids at programmes on the same days. If they're at different places on different days, we still have a kid to manage and it defeats the purpose.

Drop-offs are mine, as usual — except the Wellington Football programme, which is too far. For that one, coordinate a carpool with the other parents.

Pick-ups are yours.

Forward all booked programmes to PAM. She'll track the start and finish times — they're all different — and set up events assigning drop-offs to me and pick-ups to you.

BUDGET

Try to keep the total cost for a two-week holiday period under $1,000. That includes flights for your mum, programme fees, and anything else that comes up.

WHAT A TYPICAL TWO WEEKS LOOKS LIKE

Week One Monday — One of us has the kids in the morning, then grandparents take over Tuesday — Grandparents Wednesday — Grandparents Thursday — Belle: Kidsclub. Maxwell: Football camp Friday — Belle: Kidsclub. Maxwell: Football camp Weekend — nothing locked in

Week Two Monday — One of us has the kids all day (try to arrange play date swaps) Tuesday — Belle: Kidsclub. Maxwell: Football camp Wednesday — Belle: Kidsclub. Maxwell: Football camp

Thursday — Belle: Kidsclub. Maxwell: Football camp

Friday/Saturday/Sunday — Family long weekend away

Thank you for sharing this load with me, and I'm excited to see what new and wonderful things get plannd for the next school holidays.

That's it. Five years of knowledge, in one letter.

I'm not going to pretend this was easy to write. There's something uncomfortable about realising just how much has been living in my head — and how long I've been quietly carrying it. Not because anyone asked me to. Not because I was better at it. Just because, somehow, it became mine.

It doesn't have to stay that way.

If you've been the one holding all of this, I hope this gives you a starting point.

You've done this alone long enough.

The school holiday handover template (copy, paste and adapt for yourself)

Have a discussion before sending this so it doesn't arrive cold.

And hopefully you don't need to give them every detail listed below, but this allows for handing over to someone totally unaware. But once it's done, it's done. The other person has everything they need. PAM has everything she needs. And next holidays? It's their turn.

After you copy and paste to an email etc, fill in the yellow bits. Put it somewhere both of you can see it. Forward it to PAM and let her help hold it.

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TERM DATES

PAM has these. She syncs them directly from school. Just ask her.

WORK AND LEAVE

Before planning anything, we need to figure out:

1. How busy are we both likely to be this term?

2. Is there a window for a family trip or mini-break?

3. How much leave do we each have banked?

4. Do either of us have big projects or commitments that mean we can't be away from work?

5. Are there any other trips that term that would already have us out of the office?

WORKING FROM HOME

Consider:

1. Could we each take one day a week working from home during the holidays? Be realistic about how much would actually get done.

2. Could the kids come into the office for a day? How disruptive would that be?
   

   
   

GRANDPARENTS / FAMILY SUPPORT

Things to keep in mind: How much have we already asked of the grandparents this year? What might we need from them in future? Don't drain the well.

Person 2 (e.g. your mum / grandparent name):

Maximum ask: _____ nights / ___ days Lead time needed: ___ weeks notice Travel notes: _____

Logistics to arrange: _____

Screen time / device rules to brief them on: _____

Person 2 (e.g. your mum / grandparent name):

Maximum ask: _____ nights / ___ days Lead time needed: ___ weeks notice Travel notes: _____ Logistics to arrange: _____ Screen time / device rules to brief them on: _____

Add more as needed

HOLIDAY PROGRAMMES AND CAMPS

THE GOLDEN RULE: Try to get both kids at programmes on the same days. Or one of us still has a kid to manage.

Child 1 name:

Programme A/ camp name: _____ Where: _____

Days available: _____ Cost: _____ Will attend IF: [list friends who need to be going] How to check availability / themes / spots: [website or contact] Lead time to book: ______ weeks

Programme B/ camp name: _____ Where: _____ Days available: _____ Cost: _____

Will attend IF: _____ How to check / book: _____ Lead time: ______ weeks

Backup option (use if stuck): _____ Will attend IF: _____ Notes:_____

Child 2 name:

Programme A/ camp name: _____ Where: _____

Days available: _____ Cost: _____ Will attend IF: [list friends who need to be going] How to check availability / themes / spots: [website or contact] Lead time to book: ______ weeks

Programme B/ camp name: _____ Where: _____

Days available: _____ Cost: _____ Will attend IF: [list friends who need to be going] How to check / book: _____ Lead time: ______ weeks

Backup option (use if stuck): _____ Will attend IF: _____ Notes:_____

DROP OFFS AND PICK UPS

Drop offs: _____ does these Exception: [programme name] — too far / too early / other reason. Coordinate a carpool with [friend's parent name/s].

Pick ups: _____does these.

Forward all booked programmes to PAM pam@mypam.co . She'll track the start and finish times and assign drop off and pick up events to each of us.

COORDINATING WITH OTHER PARENTS

For programmes where a friend needs to be going, here are the parents to contact:

Friend name — Parent contact — How to reach them: Friend name — Parent contact — How to reach them: Friend name — Parent contact — How to reach them:

Book early. Other families are figuring this out at the same time as us.

BUDGET

Total target for a two-week holiday period: $_____

This should cover: programme fees, any travel or flights, incidentals.

WHAT A TYPICAL TWO WEEKS LOOKS LIKE FOR US

Week One Monday — _____ Tuesday — _____ Wednesday — _____ Thursday — _____ Friday — _____ Weekend —_____

Week Two

Monday — _____

Tuesday — _____

Wednesday — _____

Thursday — _____

Friday — _____

Weekend —_____

HOW TO USE THIS WITH PAM

Once you've filled this in: Forward the booked programmes to PAM so she can track dates and times.

Ask PAM to allocate drop off and pick up events to each of us.

Ask PAM for the term dates if you haven't already. Store this document in PAM so either of us can find it next holidays.

Thanks

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