7 Ways to Get a Reluctant Dad on Board with PAM

Look, your partner is wonderful. He also has a remarkable talent for asking what time football is even though it's been on the calendar since March.

Getting him on board with PAM isn't about nagging. It's about making it so easy he barely notices it's happening. Here's how.

1. "It's in PAM" is your new default answer to everything

"What time is football tomorrow?" → It's in PAM. "When are the groceries arriving?" → It's in PAM. "Are we away that long weekend?" → It's in PAM.

You might need to say it 40 times. That's fine. Eventually he stops asking you and starts asking PAM. And just like that, you've stopped being the all-knowing Wikipedia of family life. Your brain says thank you.

2. Casually mention "Parents who use PAM have more sex"

Less "What's on this weekend", more "What do you have on" There's solid research that when mums carry less mental load, they have more headspace, less stress and - would you look at that - more interest in their partner. Couples who share the load have more sex. I have watched grown men sit up very straight when they hear that one. Do with that what you will.

3. If it's not in PAM, it's not the plan.

Win the war of the calendars. Whoever gets it in first wins.

My husband recently informed me he had a boys' weekend coming up. "Excuse me, what?" I said. "It's been in PAM for a months," he said. Fair. The calendar was open. I just didn't check.

Moral of the story: get your stuff in first.

4. Forward the reluctant Dad the weekly summary

Every Thursday or Sunday, PAM sends you a "here's what's coming up" email. Forward it to him. He doesn't have to open the app. He just sees what's on.

After a week or two, most dads start thinking, "Oh hey, I want to get my thing in there too" - and before you know it, they've downloaded PAM all on their own. No nagging required.

5. Sync his calendar and let him forget PAM exists

This is the magic one. He doesn't have to even use PAM. He really doesn't. He just needs to:

• Create an account

• Sync his Google or Outlook calendar

• Shove the app to the back of his phone

Anything in PAM he's tagged in or responsible for shows up in the calendar he already uses. He's in the loop. You didn't ask him to use a new app. Everyone wins.

6. Add his favourite things in there too

This one surprised us both. I added all the Warriors games to PAM. At first he didn't see the point - "I know when the Wahs are playing".

The unexpected win for us both, now that I can see when the games are, I don't plan things over them. He gets to watch his team (maybe this year is the year). I don't get furious when kickoff ruins my plans.

Just share the schedule URL with PAM and she'll add the whole season. Works for his footy team, his fantasy league, his weekly squash game - whatever he wouldn't move for love or money. Suddenly you're family plans don't conflict with it. They work along side it.

7. Ask him for the stuff he's the keeper of

Flip the dynamic. He probably knows things you don't:

• What's the wifi password?

• What's our electrician's number?

• Which bin goes out which week?

• What's the code for the safe?

Ask him for the list. Tell him you're popping it all into PAM's shared notes so you don't have to bug him every time you need it. Watch his ears prick up — he gets to be the expert, you stop asking, PAM holds it all.

(While you're in there, chuck the kids' clothes and shoe sizes in too. Next time he's at the shops and spots a cool top for one of the kids, he can check the size himself instead of texting you mid-meeting. You're very welcome.)

Something from me to make it a little easier

Whenever he accepts that invite - two days after you send it, two months after you send it, whenever he gets around to it -your whole PAM account unlocks 14 days of the paid Family subscription, if you're in a free or trial plan.

That's two weeks to see what it actually feels like having everyone and everything on the same page. No pressure, no catch. Just a little taste of what the village looks like when it's properly weaving together.

One last thing — drop the guilt trip

Here's the bit nobody talks about: guilt doesn't work. Nobody wants a seat at the table because they got guilted into it. Feeling like your missing out/ out of the loop is way more of a motivator.

PAM works because it lets him opt in. My hubby turned up to a specialist appointment from my 8 year old daughter I hadn't told him about. He say it in PAM and decided he wanted to be there, and turned up. My kid lite up. He felt included instead of managed.

You don't have to be the project manager for everyone. Let go of the reins a little. Let him pick up some of the slack. He might surprise you.